The Oreos
by Shellie
Summary: Duo gets his hands on some oreos and can't seem to get them apart like in the commercials. Things go downhill, including an evil author, a dragon, and new jobs for all the guys. Read. Plz.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own anything a normal soon to be 9th grader should own. Okay? Okay. Review or I'll hunt you down.I'm just kidding.  
  
The Oreos  
  
Duo: I'm hungry.  
  
Heero: You always are.  
  
Trowa: Have some Oreos or something.  
  
Duo: OKAY! *grabs bag* Hmm, you guys know how they always get the Oreos to come apart perfectly?  
  
Heero: Yes.  
  
Duo: How do you do that?  
  
Heero: I don't know, try.  
  
Duo: Okay!  
  
*some time later*  
  
Wufei: *crunch* What's all over the floor?  
  
Trowa: What? *looks up* Oreos? DUO!  
  
Duo: Hmm?  
  
Wufei: You wouldn't happen to know why there are Oreo halves all over the floor would you?  
  
Duo: Oh yeah, I was trying to get them to come apart perfectly like in the commercials.  
  
Heero: I thought you were hungry.  
  
Duo: I still am.  
  
Wufei: Why didn't you eat all these Oreos? *frustrated*  
  
Duo: Because they didn't come apart perfectly.  
  
Wufei: Why you stupid bakayaro! INJUSTICE!  
  
Quatre: *walks into room* What's going on? WUFEI STOP BEATING UP DUO!  
  
Wufei: Why? OW! YOU STUPID SNEAK! *tosses Quatre away, continues to beat up Duo*  
  
Trowa: STOP IT, YOU'RE GONNA STEP ON MY LAPTOP! *crunch* *sigh* Too late.  
  
Quatre: STOP IT!!! YOU'RE DESTROYING EVERYTHING!!! *joins fight*  
  
Heero: Whoa, Quatre is fighting. Cool. *returns to hacking*  
  
Trowa: *steps on cable modem line thingy*  
  
Heero: HEY!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE INTERNET!!!!! GO TO HELL!!!  
  
Quatre: I thought OW you were hacking? OWWW!!  
  
Heero: Well, umm.*blush*  
  
Trowa: Let me see that. Heero I didn't know you liked porn.  
  
Heero: HEY!!!!  
  
Duo: ALRIGHT HEE-CHAN!!  
  
Heero: DON'T CALL ME THAT!! *cries*  
  
Trowa: Hmm, something is wrong here.  
  
Bob: *flash* You're telling me? Hehehehe.  
  
All: WHO ARE YOU???  
  
Bob: I am the servant of her Majesty, the author.  
  
All: AUTHOR??????  
  
Bob: Yes you losers.  
  
Author: Hey, don't insult them! *disembodied voice*  
  
Bob: You just insulted them for half the fic!!  
  
Author: Well that's my job not yours!! YOU'RE FIRED!  
  
Bob: *bursts into flames, disappears*  
  
Author: Now wasn't that fun?  
  
Heero: NO! You made me into a crying porn watching loser!  
  
Author: And wasn't it better than looking at that dope Relena?  
  
Heero: Yes but still.  
  
Author: Alright then.  
  
Duo: What happened to Bob?  
  
Wufei: He died stupid. All because of the stupid onna author.  
  
Author: EXCUSE YOU!!!!!!! I CONTROL YOUR FATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!  
  
Wufei: Yeah so? Come out so I can beat you up too!  
  
Author: *pouting* Fine. *flash, brunette girl appears in combat boots, military fatigue and gloves* Happy?  
  
Wufei: Yes. YAHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Author: *pulls magic optical computer mouse from boot* I don't think so. *wall appears*  
  
Wufei: OWW! Why'd you put that there?  
  
Trowa: Because you deserved it.  
  
Author: Shut up that's my line.  
  
Trowa: You made them crush my laptop.  
  
Author: Fine it's uncrushed. *clicks mouse* Let's see what you were doing.hehehe.  
  
Trowa: HEY, DON'T DO THAT!!!  
  
Duo: Recipe for Oreos? I think I liked what Heero was doing better.  
  
Heero and Trowa: Shut up.  
  
Duo: I AM THE SHINEGAMI! I ANSWER TO NO ONE!!  
  
Author: *blinks**long pause* What?  
  
Duo: I'm the Shinegami. I answer to no one?  
  
Wufei: *hand on head* I think you answer to her.  
  
Author: No he doesn't. He is the Shinegami. See? *clicks mouse*  
  
Duo: *Grim Reaper outfit* ALRIGHT! And you know what? I think Wufei should DIE! *fingers scythe*  
  
Heero: I think that was a bad idea.  
  
Wufei: NOOOOOOOOOOO-  
  
Author: Stop it Duo.  
  
Duo: Why?  
  
Author: I've got a worse fate for him.  
  
Duo: You can't stop the Shinegami.  
  
Author: What if I was the Devil herself?  
  
Duo: Okay maybe then.  
  
Author: So stop it Duo.  
  
Trowa: You're the Devil?  
  
Author: Yes and I think you're hot so feel lucky.  
  
Trowa: .  
  
Heero: This is just insane. I'm leaving.  
  
Author: No you're not. ZIEGER!! *calls pet dragon*  
  
Zieger: *silver dragon appears* Rawr?  
  
Author: Don't let him *points to Heero* leave.  
  
Zieger: RAWWWWWWWR!!!  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
Duo: As the Shinegami, I command you to say full sentences. *wields scythe*  
  
Heero: WILL THIS FUCKING DRAGON GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY???  
  
Author: So that's what 'hn' stands for. Interesting.  
  
Zieger: RAWRRRRRRRR!!! *torches Heero*  
  
Author: Very interesting.  
  
Quatre: That's cruel! Poor Heero.  
  
Duo: HEHEHE!!  
  
Trowa: Duo?  
  
Duo: Not Duo, I am *big announcer voice* THE SHINEGAMI!!  
  
Trowa: Oh. So if the author is the Devil, Duo is now the Shinegami, and Heero is.well burnt, what does that make me?  
  
Author: Remember Bob's job?  
  
Trowa: *nod*  
  
Author: You can have it. *clicks mouse*  
  
Trowa: *gets black cape and black staff* Cool.  
  
Quatre: Why do you have an optical mouse instead of a trident?  
  
Author: Oh you want the trident do you? Fine. *mouse turns into trident* You happy too?  
  
Quatre: Yes.  
  
Heero: FUCK THIS I WANT OUT DAMNIT!  
  
Zieger: No you don't.  
  
Heero: What did you say?  
  
Trowa: I made him talk.  
  
Heero: Don't fuckin do that ever again.  
  
Trowa: Stop swearing.  
  
Heero: Don't fuzzin do that ever again?  
  
Author: *laughing ass off*  
  
Quatre: Do I get anything special?  
  
Zieger: Well.  
  
Author: I don't have anything.  
  
Zieger: I got an idea. You can be my servant.  
  
Author: Alright, but I want a servant too!  
  
Trowa: Whatever happened to me?  
  
Author: You're too hot to be a servant. *makes Quatre Ziegers' servant*  
  
Heero: Go to heck, all of you!! I don't even sound threathening now! What did you do Trowa?  
  
Trowa: I guess I'm not used to this thing yet. Hehehehe, it's kinda funny.  
  
Wufei: Can I please stop lying in the Oreos?  
  
Author: Yes, you can be my servant. *makes Wufei her servant*  
  
Heero: If everyone's servants or minions or Shinegami's, what's gonna happen to Gundam Wing?  
  
Author: It's over genius, nothing is gonna happen.  
  
Heero: WHAT IN THE WORLD???  
  
Author: It's 2002 A.D. I transported you in time.  
  
Wufei: WHAT THE F-  
  
Author: SHUT UP!  
  
Wufei: Yes Master of all that is bad.  
  
Author: I could get used to this.  
  
Heero: Can't we be transported back?  
  
Author: No way, see, Gundam Wing turned out fine without you guys. *shows manga*  
  
Heero: OZ took over the world. How is that fine?  
  
Author: I'M THE DEVIL, IF IT TURNS OUT BAD IT'S FINE IN MY BOOK ALRIGHT??? Can we go home now? *sigh*  
  
Trowa: What about the Oreos on the floor?  
  
Duo: I'm still hungry. I'll eat them.  
  
Heero: They've been on the floor.  
  
Duo: I'm the Shinegami, a little disease won't hurt me.  
  
Author: Alright, everyone back to Hell. *waves trident, everyone but Heero, Quatre and Zieger disappear*  
  
Quatre: Why didn't we go back?  
  
Zieger: Because I have to go back to the middle ages and scare the knights.  
  
Quatre: I'm coming right?  
  
Zieger: Yup, go get your stuff. *Quatre leaves*  
  
Heero: I'm coming too aren't I?  
  
Zieger: Hmm, I don't know what to do with you. You're not supposed to leave this room. *blows smoke through nose in frustration*  
  
Author: *disembodied voice* Him and Relena will get along just fine here in Hell.  
  
Heero: Relena's alive, she's not in Heck!!!  
  
Author: What, you thought she was good? She's one of my worst minions.  
  
Heero: Well that makes plenty of sense. But how would I get along with her? *confused*  
  
Author: *sigh* Simple. I change Relena's name and send you both to Heaven.  
  
Heero: But she's evil.  
  
Author: I know. But you're not so you can't exactly go to Hell.  
  
Heero: EVERYONE ELSE DID!!!  
  
Author: They're servants or minions! Got it?  
  
Heero: What if you made me a minion?  
  
Author: Don't need you know get out! *waves staff*  
  
Heero: *ends up in heaven with Relena, now called Beth* SAVE ME!!!  
  
Author: I am so bad. *leaves*  
  
Quatre: What was all that about? *comes back*  
  
Zieger: You don't want to know. Ready to go torch some tin cans?  
  
Quatre: Isn't that cruel?  
  
Zieger: Alright, we're losing the sensitivity. *disappears with Quatre*  
  
Trowa: *in Hell* What was the point of this story?  
  
Author: Duno, don't care.  
  
Trowa: So why was it called the Oreos?  
  
Author: Because they told me to do all this. Got it? They control our lives, God and I are just pawns.  
  
Trowa: So I'm a pawn's pawns?  
  
Author: Yes. Isn't this fun? Want some Oreos?  
  
Trowa: Sure.  
  
*some years later*  
  
Author: Alright, here's what happened. Heero and Relena/Beth are living happily ever after *snicker* in heaven. Hehehe. Trowa and I are living even better. Quatre and Zieger are having fun in the Dark Ages, and Wufei is.well...currently he's barking like a dog. Yeah. THE END!! *vanishes* 


End file.
